We’re all in love with American families, their children and their liberties. For example, The Addams Family, a great movie, taught us to embrace one’s weirdness as our own. Then weirdness became history along with Frankenstein, ET, Spock, Yoda and everything else that is alien, liberal, and modern in our Universe. Today, things have gotten even more fabulous, meaning that those American families, as hard as they may try, cannot be strange any longer. A good example is the Kardashian family: they are as far from being reptiles as they are from being famous, but, do not worry, Jurassic Park is now running in episode format! Is there anything formal or normal in Hollywood? Yes, of course, it is the Oscars’ ceremony! The Oscars is therefore run as a counter-current, a purifying stream if you like. Orthodox American families is what it produces; orthodox children to be exact. One must simply listen to the winning speeches to realize that everything is dedicated to the mom and dad of the performers. All the sexual scandals, abuses, crimes, failed marriages and I don’t know what else are left behind while recognizing the only reason for success in Hollywood: the family as the true producer of talent. Every speech by those grownup children is about family matters, and peace in the world, of course. Is it possible that teeth bleaching can cause Autism, just as the vaccines are believed to do so by those infantile actors? If we are to judge by the way the actors constantly grin at the camera, the answer is yes. Bleaching seems to clean the brain too. No wonder that this year they were served white cotton candy that was falling as a falling star from the arena’s sky, as they were told. While exhibiting brilliant looks and hair-gel products, the juvenile actors were pressing for inclusion in the aforesaid family of good kids for all the people that act drool, suspicious, foreign and the like. This was the right moment to baptize the current: they themselves appeared that way in the opening when Justin Timberlake was singing. It looked as if a debilitating pandemic had stricken them; they were facing one another while clapping aimlessly, as though into the void of their skull those claps were ringing hard with Timberlake’s lullaby. Anyway, we do appreciate their fight for inclusion of those sexually marginalized. Due to the actors long and staunch protest of sexism, even the Oscar’s statue was changed so as to depict an ambiguous individual - a well needed metamorphosis from male to androgyne these days when it’s hard to find a bathroom. In short, the Oscar statue is about family matters too. Originally the Oscar statue was naked but shielded by a sword in the explicit or R-rated places, however, its purpose remains the same nowadays: there must be something to hang on or wave while talking about love, family, and a certain production. From a home TV, it may be seen as a golden dildo, a subtle reproduction of what is needed to form large and successful families. The Hollywood woman or man is thus seen as the reproductive force, along with his or her collection of handy Oscars. In sports, the winning party gets to hold a cup, something in the form of an uterus. For the Oscars, the one that “gets it” gets the phallus. So, what must those yankee-doodle capitalists have had in mind when created such a strong and artful symbol? If we are to compare it to Captain Ahab’s Doubloon, perhaps it might reveal its own story. The Doubloon had a value of sixteen dollars where the statue costs just about four hundred dollars. It could have been more expensive but mass production really helps with the matter. If auctioned, the statue can reach the mythological value of a million, and that’s because of consumer demand for such an aesthetic corpse. If the Doubloon had as many different meanings as it had onlookers, the Oscars maybe have a better synthesized message. If there’s a tower, a clock, and a volcano at the top of the three mountain crests in the Doubloon, the statue could possibly exhibit only one of those symbols. The Doubloon, even if it is a currency, symbolizes merit and American exceptionality, but the Oscar’s statue is all that, therefore, what is it that it symbolizes? Yes, again, we are going around a circle here; it symbolizes nothing, it is just a golden toy; not any sort of fish either. That brings us back to those sensible kids and their good families. The Oscars as an object equals its symbol. There is a parity there that can only be explained with a favorite tautology of the bourgeoisie: a toy is a toy. Perhaps most love acts happen while watching a movie and not while watching the Super Bowl. Any possible evil is absolved and absorbed in the endless love of the American family at the time of the Oscars. Telling the hard truth is like telling a joke for the audience: when Kimmel was jokingly and inadvertently saying the truth about Meryl Streep, the mind-bleached actors were applauding with frenzy. In another gaffe a white-haired scientist was rolled on the scene and labeled or stereotyped as a minority that helped America get to the Moon but it seemed that the scenario was contrived by the Moon-goers or at least by the same people that were filming the landing. Another incident involved Warren Beatty reading the wrong thing while exposing a blank stare. To be honest, there’s more that I don’t understand but neither do I want the perfect smile; my dog has it and that's enough for my family.
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